A List of 5 Hominid Evolutionary Dead Ends or Kissing Cousins

In order to jump the line with your “fast pass” and enjoy the ride you'll need to check your intelligent design preconceptions with the hat check attendants. This bumpy ride is a headlong plunge into the evolutionary underbelly of the taxonomical hominid. This classification of the hominid, codified by the Swedish zoologist Carl Linnaeus, groups humans (homo) with the great apes in the same category. Since that time hominid has come to be reclaimed by anthropologists, primatologists, evolutionary biologists and paleontologists to mean, in a stricter sense, humans who aren't homo sapiens but closer to us than chimpanzees. Until now no missing link type of Rosetta Stone bone fragment or DNA sequence has been found which can delineate conclusively how modern homo sapiens arrived at the top of the food chain. Scientists, therefore, still have a multitude of erudite coffee klatch to bicker over in their quest to explain whence we homos came. A couple of the hominids on the list of evolutionary dead ends were in a Darwinistic sense predestined to ossify into the annals of prehistory. They were either out competed for resources or unable to adapt to climate changes or succumbed to a hitherto unknown disease. These hypotheses are affectionately called the “Kill, Chill or Ill” theories. Recently new DNA evidence has revealed that some ethnic populations around the world have residual DNA from these dead end hominids. The logical conclusion for those traces of extinct DNA must be an alarming rate of sexual interbreeding. In other words, sex, sex and more sex is the key understanding some of the evolutionary dead ends which helped get us on top of the modern food chain.

Homo floresiensis (hobbit)

Era:     95,000 – 17,000 years ago

Habitat:     Island of Flores, Indonesia

Major find:    Near complete female skeleton dating back about 18,000 years ago—in Liang Bua cave       on the island of Flores, Indonesia.

Sex or dead end:   No DNA has been extracted from floresiensis so sex is still an unknown. Best guess now is either kill or chill

Gigantopithecus

Era:     9 million years ago until roughly 100 thousand years ago

Habitat:     Primarily China, India and Vietnam

Major find:    German anthropologist Ralph von Koenigswald found petrified teeth in a Chinese medicine apothecary in 1935

Sex or dead end:   No DNA has been extracted from Gigantopithecus so sex is unlikely. However, sex has been informally postulated because some forensic anthropologists claim Gigantopithecus to be the modern hominid mistaken for global bigfoot sightings.

Ardipithecus Ramidus

Era:     About 4.4 million years ago

Habitat:     Eastern Africa (Middle Awash and Gona, Ethiopia)

Major find:    First fossil remains were found in the Middle Awash area of Ethiopia between 1992 and 1994

Sex or dead end:   The pelvis seems to be designed for bipedalism which would suggest sex. Ardipithecus Ramidus is disinguished from the other Ardipitheci in this fact.

Paranthropus Aethiopicus

Era:     About 2.7 to 2.3 million years ago

Habitat:     Eastern Africa (Turkana basin of northern Kenya, southern Ethiopia)

Major find:    The “Black Skull" west of Lake Turkana in Kenya

Sex or dead end:   Too little is known about Paranthropus Aethiopicus to guess but sex seems to be the best fit. It is closely related to Australopithecus afarensis because it shares many attributes, or the other “robust” australopithecines like P. boisei, which many scientists claim might be a direct descendant of P. aethiopicus

Denisovan

Era:     41,000 years ago to present?

Habitat:     Central Asia, Siberia, Indonesia, Australia, Melanesia

Major find:    finger bone fragment of a juvenile female found in Denisova caves in Siberia

Sex or dead end:   Sex, Sex and more Sex. Much like the residual genes of Neanderthal which homo sapiens carry (e.g. red hair)so too Denisovan gene markers have been found in modern ethnic populations of Indonesia, Australia and Melanesia.

From Cars to Stars: A UFO Messiah Career Switch Guide.

Cars, automobiles, steam horses, whatever they happen to be called, are all what Freudians would label as fetishes to some men; generally speaking of course. We may snigger at the simplistic analogy of the psychological inadequacy of a man's sexual organ and the corresponding superficial glitz of the car he drives and or covets. However, the amount of influence cars possess over their male drivers can lead to out of this world theologies. If your considering reinventing yourself, either because of a midlife crisis or to stave off the economic woes, then establishing a UFO religion from behind the wheel of your car might be your calling. Here follows two stellar examples of UFO Messiah career switches plus a nugget of weirdness for each.

Raelism: Claude Maurice Marcel Vorilhon is a French born auto racing journalist and later test driver. Japanese business magnates funded a brief racing career for Vorilhon from 1999 through 2000. The impetus behind the deal was to generate publicity for the Raelism movement. Vorilhon changed his name to Rael (supposedly meaning "messenger of the elohim") after he allegedly was visited by the extraterrestrial Yahweh in 1973. The alien visitation took place within a French volcanic crater between Vorilhon and one member of a group extraterrestrial scientists called Elohim. Rael was instructed to communicate to the world that these aliens had created life on Earth through DNA manipulation emanating from 25000 years of advanced intergalactic technology. Rael also preached of the return of the Elohim which prompted him to build them an Embassy anticipating their need to negotiate with the primitive peoples of Earth. Weird Fact: Due to the basal tenets of Raelism they have established a cloning research center at their head quarters and are apparently well funded.

Aetherius Society: George King was born in Northern England just after World War 1. Although King worked a variety of jobs, like security keeping and a fire fighter during World War 2 in London, his time as a chauffeur and a taxi-driver are what caused him to make his career switch. King dabbled in the occult from an early age and eventually went on to become a Yogi, self-titled spiritual healer and UFO channeler. The Aetherius Society he founded in 1955 espoused a muddled doctrine of Yoga inspired spiritual teachings combined with the wisdom he garnered from his channeling with extraterrestrials. The philosophical contents of the Aetherius Society shared many of the same beliefs as the Theosophical movement, namely the belief that Mu, Lemuria and Atlantis were all highly advanced ancient civilizations with direct links to extraterrestrials of other dimensions. Weird Fact: George King asserts that he fought along side Martians as they defeated a race of marine aliens. These marine aliens, dubbed "Garouche", if not conquered, were hell bent to annihilate all terrestrial life on Earth in order to stake sole claim to Earth's oceans.